Today Daniel and I went to NJ to visit with Ketty, John and the family. After running around with the kids, having a family meal and bugging John a bit we settled to sleep happily along with another blasian family.
In the morning Ketty and I took the path train into the city. During the drive we started talking about race issues. As usual we came across a point we disagreed on. I want to raise Daniel with a strong black sense while she feels I should raise him mixed. My argument? Most people don’t see Daniel as “black”. Even Ketty and John said he looks totally asian…that he has nothing for me. Since people will treat and react to him as he’s NOT black or even mixed, bi-racial, etc, I feel I have to take a strong stand to say he IS black and it’s ok. Ketty feels I don’t have to do anything, that seeing me everyday will show and teach him about blackness. I think she’s wrong…what Daniel will see is that I’m his mother and by extension that I am a black women. He will not know he IS a black man and does not have to be ashamed of it.
Back in the city while waiting at BK for breakfast this black women came up to me and of course ask…”Is that your baby? Boy or girl?” These questions have become standard so I can answer on autopilot…meaning not paying attention. Besides Daniel was being cute and I wanted to play with him. Still this woman wasn’t satisfied. She then asked “did you have him or adopted him?” She got my attention quickly and not in a good way…I answered very quick with “I HAD him!!!”
I guess my answer must have had some attitude with it cause she went on the defensive saying…”some people adopt them ya know.” I wanted to point out how much he looks like me but like most people she can’t see past the skin tone. I just left with a “I had him naturally and he’s mine” comment and walked away with my giggly baby. That’s the first time I heard that but if this strange women felt the need to ask then I’m figuring it won’t be the last time.
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1 response so far ↓
cyclone9 // Sun 6 Sep 09 at 1:03 pm
This story reminds me of something that happened to me. I am a black man with dark skin and my wife is black with yellow skin. We went to a chinese buffet and one of the waitresses seated us and took an intrest in our baby. She held her hand for a long time and rubbed her skin. At the time the baby’s complexion was exactly the same as the waitresses. I found it insulting but at the same time humorous when after about a minute she blurted out “You Not Father”. A guess many people are not accustomed to the diversity of color possible within a black family. My family is also included in this. I’ll never forget the silence when she was first presented in the maternity ward or the nurse double checking my ID when I would get her. When she was first born she was white with strait hair and looked exactly like the white babies next to her. Her color and her curl came in gradually, she is now her mother’s complexion and looks hawaiian. I guess she went through the whole racial spectrum of skin tones as she grew.
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