Blasian Babies and the Disney Family Gap

Daniel C

Euphoria Luv didn’t give a shout out on this blog but I’m going to do it for her to let everyone know they need to vote for some of the babies in this year’s baby contest which includes her son, Daniel.

To vote for Daniel click here.

Julia K

And another mom let me know that her daughter answered the casting call.   She is too adorable.  So cast your vote for Julia K.

Click the link here.

And if anyone else has a Blasian baby that’s in the contest let us know.

You have to register with Disney family to cast your vote but after that you can vote as many times as you want to.  You can vote once as day, every day through November 17.

The Bots

My daughter asked me via facebook, “ Is there a way that we can trade J2 in for the the two little kids in the group, The Bots, because 1. they could get us money, and 2. they are so much cuter than him….consider it plz. THANK YOU!”

And I considered it.  Considered it hard.  They are just as cute as J2 and the food I feed them they’d definitely earn back with their enormous talent. 

Then I’d miss all the jokes I crack on wrestling at J2’s expense so I have to decline.

But if they are ever out Natti way I’d love to set up a playdate and be a Midwest mom to them.  Hopefully, as Midwest Mom they’d let me score some free tickets to their concert.  They probably won’t be coming my way for a while, but if you are out in LA check them out on Nov 13 as part of the AfroPunk tour.

Is She the Next Big Thing?

Gabi Wilson: The next big thing?

Disney is looking for the next big tween star and Gabi Wilson is hoping it’s her.

You have probably seen her on NBC’s Today show singing a rendition of an Alicia Keys song.  She has also appeared on Maury’s Talented Kids and Showtime at the Apollo.

You probably said, damn that kid is talented!  And she is.  Along with singing and playing the piano, she plays guitar and writes poetry.

And you probably said, wow, she’s looks Blasian.  Yep, dad is black and mom is Asian.

So you now you are probably saying,  I think she’s the next big thing, let me vote for her.

Well….

The first round of voting ended in early October but we get a second chance so mark your calendar to vote for her December 2-9.  In the meantime check out her page  and listen to her music on Radio Disney.

Tell Me a Story…

Gather around kids, let’s hear a story.

How to Explain Duality to a Mixed Child

I just read this excellent article over on Racialicious about the Gosselins and race.  Okay, it was mostly about that one episode where Jon outs himself as Korean but to make sure folks knew he was white, too, he basically dissed his own culture.

My favorite part of the article was this paragraph:

While race is a complicated issue for children to grasp, numerous studies indicate that children as young as have an understanding of it. This means that Jon and Kate could have at least pulled out a map, pointed to Korea and and explained that Koreans are people from that country. There’s no reason why they should go around believing that inanimate objects can be Korean. Moreover, it’s also important for them to understand that each child in their household is both Korean and white, lest the children deemed non-Asian develop some sort of complex. Kate already notes that some of the children get angry when told they are not Asian, so why not nip this issue in the bud?

After reading this paragraph I have decided that when my little one (whenever I have that little one) is old enough to ask, I too will pull out a map and show my child the strange land his/her father hails from: Cleveland. 

I will tell the child that the city was settled by space aliens who assumed the shape of all races and colors.  Their mission in life is to move to other cities and towns so they can tell everyone why Cleveland is so superior to eveyplace else although they don’t want to move back there.  I will explain that when Daddy is barking upon seeing someone wearing a brown t-shirt that it’s a type of an odd greeting that do there.  I will explain to my child that although Daddy is a Clevelander, they are fully Cincinnatian because Mommy had the good sense to stay here and no, you don’t have to make a chopping motion everytime you see a baseball game on television. 

I will definitely say that although Dad and brother are from the Northeast side of the state we won’t hold it against them.

And definitely don’t listen to Daddy when he pronounces the name of our team; it’s the Bengals pronounced bing-GULLS, not bing-GALS.

In case you didn’t gather it’s football season.  And if the Bengals can only win 2 games this season they both better be against Cleveland ’cause I can’t take it.  If they can win four I wish they’d take down Pittsburgh because they are getting on my nerves, too.

Sophomore Year: What do you know?

The beginning of the sophomore year puts both Cricket and J2 at a disadvantage.

Cricket: after a stellar start to the first two quarters of college her third quarter GPA dropped and her scholarship was suspended.  Now she has to find a job to help pay tuition and, much to her sadness, she can’t row crew in the fall.

Yeah, boo-hoo.   

J2 is on home house arrest, which he hates. We’re hoping he’ll take this time to focus on his studies and become a solid C student instead of always being on the verge of retention.   It’s not like he’s in jail so I don’t expect him to come out spouting the koran and loving bean pies, but with a limited amount of activity maybe some spark will hit his brain and he’ll want to, dare I say, pick up a book.

The saddest part about being a parent is everything seems to be on fast forward x4 whereas your kids think they are in slow mo.  So you can say do this, do that but they say oh, I’ll do it later.  I have time.  Time?  You think so?  Yesterday I was changing your diapers and now you’re talking about finding an apartment near campus.  For them life is a long winding road where the end is a kabillion miles away.  You are almost nearing the peak, knowing you can’t go back and redo the journey so you tell those coming behind about the pitfalls you’ve encountered and what to do.  You want their way to be easier but the hard way seems more enticing.

“Spending too much time on activities and not enough on studies puts you at an imbalance,” I tell them.  “You need to work on the grades and try to learn.”

Yeah, okay, they say.  Then they do things their own way.

It’s the point of youth to make mistakes.  But it’s the role of the parent to guide and keep them on the right track.  They don’t learn morals and discipline through osmosis.  Hopefully by the time they are juniors we’ll have this thing down pat.

Exposure is good….

June 12, 1967 the U.S. Supreme court made a decision that whites can marry non-whites. Since that ruling, the number of interracial marriages has soared. I myself am in an interracial marriage, and it’s so hard to believe that it has only been 42 years since the decision was made. Although acceptable by law, it still raises controversy amongst some family and friends. Especially those who were raised in the era before 1967.

I have been trying several ways to find a similar couple in my situation. A Black female married to a Samoan male; with kids…. And it has become the most difficult task I have encountered on the internet. I am sure they are out there, very few, but where? I asked an office employee at my kid’s school the other day, “Are there any other Samoan kids here?” “Nope, you guys are the only ones” was her reply.

I had joined other social sites in hopes to accomplish meeting someone who could relate to the things I share, or the things I went through. I tried to find maybe websites who were made specifically for the interracial unity of Samoan men and Black women. Nothing, nada, zilche…… Granted I have met many people in interracial relationships, who have beautiful multicultural children. Yet, there are things from my perspective though, that they will never understand about the Samoan culture. No matter how much I explain it. Some things have to be learned through exposure. I do know a few Samoan women and black men, but those women were disowned for stepping out. And not until the relationships dissolved were they welcomed back into the family. The only thing we related too was the racial prejudices. Me being Black, their husbands being Black. Sad but true. Even in family the pre-judgment of a person because of the color of their skin does still exist. I would say it’s not as bad, but the dislike is definitely known when one is looked down upon for being of a different race.

My reasons in wanting to find a couple in the same cultural situation as myself is so that my children can meet other children with something in common. Not just the mixture but the culture expectations. The learning of the language. The dances, the songs. The understanding on why this is done this way or that. Someone who is not aware of the Fa’a Samoa would not understand. It’s kind of like when I grew up. My grandmother died when my dad was around 11 or 12. She would have been our Mexican- Indian heritage link. During my sophomore year of high school I was a foreign exchange student and studied in Tepic Nayarit, Mexico. Was it my parent’s way of helping me learn my Mexican-Indian culture first hand by allowing me that opportunity, I believe so. There would have been no other way for me to learn the language, read, speak, and write it fluently had I not had on hands learning. I know my kids will not truly learn the Fa’a Samoa living in the US because the traditional ways are not carried out much here. However, many of the elders do attempt to hold on to the old ways. Yet with each generation, the old ways slowly fade away.

I was exposed to many different cultures growing up, and had friends from all walks. I want the same for my kids. I think that exposure truly helped me in accepting everyone and not being a prejudice person. I don’t want my kids confined to just a few ethnic backgrounds. I want them to know the Asian kids, the Pacific Islanders, the Caucasians, African Americans, Arabians, Indians, Latinos, etc. Our world is such a great melting pot of backgrounds and cultures that I am positive I’m not even aware of hundreds of them that exist. I just hope one of these days I can meet some else who is also married to a Samoan because I know I can’t be the only one out here…..

It Wasn’t This Hard the First Time

I mentioned a few weeks ago that J and I finally decided to add to the family.  Well, it seems like he’s getting cold feet again.

First it was, my daughter was born in April so we should make sure the next child doesn’t share the same birthday month.  Now, mind you Cricket is 19 and will be 2o next spring so I don’t think she’s going to be upset if she even happens to share the same birthdate with a younger sibling. 

Maybe it’s too much pressure on him.  I have my ovulation ticker in my email signature and a friend wrote on my Facebook wall if I was knocked up yet.

Then other friends are questioning our sanity to start all over again.  After all Cricket is in college and J2 is in high school.  The finish line is nigh, why do it?

“Do you want to do this?” I asked J.  “If you don’t I can just go get my tubes tied and we can be done with it.”

“No,” J says.  “I want to have a baby.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“I’m not getting younger, I’m getting older.”

“I know you’re old.”

“That’s not what I said.”

“Like Methusaleh old.”

“You know…”

“What are you?  50?”

So I end up slapping him upside his head which reduces him to giggling like a little girl.  I’m  wondering if being a widow might be better than 2nd time momhood.

This is not off to a good start.  A goofy start:  yes;  good– not so much.

Our Kids and Bilingual Learning

Cleaning out my inbox always yields some cultural related treasure. This weeks find is the website My Panda Paws

The site was started by two Chinese-American moms who wanted to pass on their heritage, culture, traditions and language to their children. Even though there are many bilingual products in the market already many of them did not meet the quality standards of thee moms. One of the things important to them…good translation. Seems many books in the market place tend to translate each word literally, and therefore many times losing the essence of the book.

As a mom I can understand the feeling behind their goal. After having a biracial child you look for ways to include all the parts that make your child whole. In a world that still views many things with mono-racial glasses seeing sites like this is encouraging.

Of course I ran all thru the website checking out how culturally aware their products are. I was pleasantly surprised to find that while the main theme of learning the chinese language and culture was…well the main theme…they included products by other cultures. More exciting is I found a few things that included *gasp* black images.

I’m loving this All About Me from the Lift the Flap book series. Now you probably don’t understand how key this is on both sides of the kiddy spectrum. First seeing the black image introduces racial awareness to young children. I’ve read one to many articles about parents raising their children in isolation from other cultures.

Second, as a mom of a black and asian child I want him to see children in books and products that reflect his community, images he can relate to, products that mix both black and asian culture…sorta. Granted there’s still a while to go before there’s anything made specifically for the blasian community but until then…sites like this help.

Black is as Black Does

“Ma, there’s a police officer at the door.”

I’m a night owl.  If I’m asleep before 11 then I’m most likely sick.  A few weeks before it was after 1am on a Tuesday morning.  I had just told my daughter good night and told her I was about to settle in and watch a rerun of Lost.  I’m a light sleeper, too.  Years of being a single mom living in a rough area conditioned me to awake at the slightest noise. 

J was already asleep but J2 wasn’t home.  J told J2 he could come home at one but one had come and past and J2 wasn’t home yet.  So I was going to stay up to document what time he got home.  I was going to talk to J about it in the morning because it’s impossible to rouse when he’s asleep.

But then Cricket came into the room around 1:15.  She was visibly shaken, her voice small when she said, “Ma, there’s a police officer at the door.” 

J immediately sat straight up and bolted down the stairs with me following close behind.  In those few seconds that it took to make it down the stairs all kinds of thoughts raced through my mind: J2 was in a car accident, J2 was in the hospital, J2 was dead.  But then he was only supposed to be two blocks away at a friend’s house whose parent we knew so how could any of that have happened and I hadn’t heard any sirens and oh, please God let him be alright.

When we made it to the door the officer immediately pacified us.  J2 was okay but he had been arrested which would all be explained when we picked him up at the police station a village over.  They had been trying to get in touch with us but the phone kept ringing (thanks to J’s broken cellphone which he has recently replaced with an iPhone, but that’s a different story). 

The police officer leaves and all the fear and worry I had been feeling immediately turned to anger.  “I’m going to kill him.”  I said to J.  “He needs to die.”  I could envision grounding him until his own kids were old enough to ask if he could come out to play.  But then I decide to be the calm one and suggest to J that we don’t hand down any punishments until the next day.

So we get to the station where J2 is sitting in a small room the size of a closet.  The arresting officer allows J2 to tell his side of the story and says he wants to see if it jibes with his own.  J2’s story was sparse, he was in a car with a friend who was driving, the police officer stops them and they got arrested.

“That’s your story?” the officer asks.

J2 continues to look down at the table, “Yeah,” he said.  The officer then proceeds to tell us his side of things: he was sitting in a patrol car when the car J2 was riding in nearly hits him.  He pulls it over and smells marijuana on the driver.  The kid in the backseat sitting next to J2 had marijuana and drug paraphanelia on him (probably papers) andboth the guys were over 18.  The friend J2 had went to visit was in the passenger seat; being 17 with no remnants of drugs on him or the appearance of drug use he was already released into the custody of his parents. 

We talked to the officer for 30-45 minutes, with the officer letting us know of what could have happened: J2 was out past curfew which could have landed him in 20/20 (what we call juvenile hall) alone.  The low grades, the fact that he is in summer school, and this being his 2nd run in with the law. Last summer J2 took a bike from the local library when a friend said it was their bike for J2 and it turns out it belonged to someone neither of them knew; the police charged him with theft and he had three months of probation.  It all adds up to J2 being on the road to… well maybe not perdition but perhaps some place just as hot.

The officer also mentions that he is not going to be avidly looking for J2 but he will remember him.  There’s not much to overtly remember; in between the two communities there are only a handful of black families and J2 is the only blasiankid in the vicinity.  He can’t blend in with anyone and a lot of the neighbors know him as the Wrestling star. 

We finally get home and J lights into him before we are even in the house.  J2 is put on punishment for 3 months (I would have gone for 6) and the loss of his laptop, cellphone and iTouch during that period. 

“Uuugggh,” J groans when we are alone.  “You know what is the worst thing about it?  It’s that this incident happened with Black kids and it just helps to reinforce the stereotype of bad black kids.”   We live in a predominantly white area and we know that the white teens J2’s age are no angels, but we also know that those things can be forgotten and just chalked up to individual actions whereas when someone of color does something it’s taken as indication of the actions/motivations on the whole.

“Yeah,” I agree.  “But then why does J2 keep choosing to hang out with badass black kids?  There are some good black kids around here.  What about Arthur Ashe?”  I don’t know what Arthur Ashe’s real name is but I redubbedhim because he’s skinny with glasses and plays tennis. 

“It’s Arthur Ashe’s cousin that tricked J2 into taking the bike last year, remember?”

“Oh yeah,”  I think of the other black kid that lives around the corner  that J2 kind of shuns.  His name is Colson; J2 would never be friends with Colson because 1)they are the same age and 2) Colson is so uncool.  The reason for Colson’s uncoolness is he can be kind of babyish.  I haven’t seen him since 8th grade but the last time I saw him he was crying and whimping out at a wrestling meet.  I don’t know if things have changed since they are now entering 10thgrade but once someone is deemed as being a punk it’s hard to get that rep back.  J2 is a social climber at school.  He’s the one the girls want to get with and he has a lot of friends, but he’s not a trendsetter or the leader who can set the tone among his friends because he’s younger. 

I think about the article I read last fall by that Freakonomics writer that seemed to give a new spin on the tragic mulatto story. Steven Leavitt writes:

There are some bad adolescent behaviors that whites do more than blacks (like drinking and smoking), and there are other bad adolescent behaviors that blacks do more than whites (watching TV, fighting, getting sexually transmitted diseases). Mixed-race kids manage to be as bad as whites on the white behaviors and as bad as blacks on the black behaviors. Mixed-race kids act out in almost every way measured in the data set.

I dismissed it back then because I hate generalities and like to deal with individual actions and responsibilities.  But then I have come to acknowledge I have  a son that likes to run with the pack.   I want him to run with a better pack, so what can I do?

And is this even applicable to him since he J2 isn’t black/white but Black/Korean.  But then we don’t have a Korean base that J2 can compare himself to and what would be the worst behavior he can exhibit there, something like out of “Better Luck Tomorrow“?

But then I don’t have time to worry about it  now, my husband and I have 3 years to impress upon J2 why his actions now could be a set back for him later which is a hard thing to impart to those who are so young but think they know all the answers.  But we have to try.